Empathy is the ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes and understand their perspective. It is sharing an experience and knowing what it feels like to be in the same situation as another person. It may involve your own past experience that allows you to understand, or it may be a powerful use of an imagination.
Empathy is one of the most important and yet difficult skills a human can achieve. It is a skill that sets us apart from other creatures because we can engage with each other with compassion and respect beyond our basal instincts. To have empathy allows us to be more effective in life because we can connect with other people, understand the perspectives they bring, and work together towards lasting solutions rather than being at odds.
Empathy also allows us to handle difficult situations in life with less stress, lower rates of depression and anxiety, and to become happier. And in our current world, empathy is a skillset we desperately need.
While empathy comes naturally to some individuals, in his Tedx talk, Stanford psychology professor and Director of the Social Neuroscience Lab, Jamil Zaki, PhD, says we can develop empathy. It is not a fixed trait or a talent we are born with. To learn more from Jamil Zaki, PhD view his TedX talk at: https://www.ted.com/talks/jamil_zaki_we_re_experiencing_an_empathy_shortage_but_we_can_fix_it_together
Building any skill requires practice and building empathy for ourselves and others is no different. Here are 3 strategies to help you master empathy:
- Strengthen Your Internal Resources – Imagine a situation you are struggling with. How does it make you feel? How are you behaving and responding as a result? Then imagine a friend coming to you with the same struggle. How might you respond? You might find that you respond with greater kindness to your friend. Take those responses and turn them inward and respond to yourself with greater kindness.
- Spend Energy on Someone Else – During the day when you are tired, stressed, and overwhelmed, take a short break to do something kind for someone else. Maybe it is a friendly email or buying the person in line behind you a soda or saying thank you to the TSA Agent that passed you through security. These small gestures will drop you into someone else’s experience and lighten their day.
- Practice Inquiry Rather than Advocacy – Engage in conversation with someone on a topic in which you disagree. Rather than making your point, ask questions to understand their perspective. Do not try to come to a conclusion on who is right or who is wrong. Be willing to have no resolve, but simply inquire for greater understanding of their position rather than advocating for your own.
By practicing the three activities above, you will begin to start seeing your interactions with yourself and others in a different light. Confrontations become conversations. Misunderstandings become understanding. Disengagement becomes connection.
The next first step is to understand the value that empathy brings to your life and the lives of those around you. When you acknowledge the value of empathy, you will see signs of it each day. With some conscious effort, you can build your skillset into mastery.
