Race Day – 6 am
As I write, I’m waiting at the start line for the Ogden Half Marathon. I don’t want to be here. I want to be in bed under my warm down comforter rather than standing in thirty-two degree temperatures huddled around a fire pit as the frost on the grass slowly seeps into my toes.
I love running and racing. It is my favorite hobby, but some days I have to force myself to do it. Today is one of those days.
This past week was full of engaged activity and I didn’t get the alone time I needed to recharge. Plus, I slept in a hotel all week, which disrupts my sleep. So when my alarm went off at 3 am this morning, I could barely pull myself out of bed. I drank my coffee, then fell back asleep for fifteen minutes. I fell asleep on the car ride to the shuttle and then again on the shuttle. Even now, my eyes are dropping.
It occurs to me that this is my choice. I don’t have to be here. Faced with all the good reasons to stay home, why then am I here?
Truth. I love doing hard things. It stretches me beyond my current capabilities. Hard things pull at my seams and I grow. Hard things crush me sometimes, and I grow. Growing only occurs when I do hard things.
I toe the start line, finally awake thanks to an hour in the freezing air, and I embrace the difficulty. I hope to run under two hours, but I don’t believe I am ready for it. Instead, I set my sights on a two hours and ten-minute finish. That I know I can do.
9:00 am
The gun went off two hours ago. I started off slowly, but the speed built on itself until I felt the ground rolling away beneath my feet. My legs churned without effort and I glided across the pavement. I may not have looked as effortless as I felt, but my body knew what my head didn’t. I was ready for a sub two hour race.
Over the course of the last two hours, I ran my heart out. Now at 9 am, I have crossed the finish line and can hold my husband and cry tears of pride and joy.
Earlier this year, I set several goals for myself. One was to run a sub two hour half marathon. I knew today was not that day when I stood at the start line. And then I proved myself wrong.
I did what I didn’t think I could and ran 1:57:38.
Today was a stark reminder that when we engage in hard things, regardless of our mental desire, we can surprise ourselves. Had I given up before I even tried, I would have failed. I would have failed by not even trying. I pushed myself past my comfort zone and found that I was capable of far more than I believed.
The next first step for us all is to allow discomfort to exist. To embrace discomfort and to know that when we wade through the discomfort, on the other side, we can meet a new, stronger version of ourselves.
