Last week, I was walking through the Matheson Wetlands Preserve in Moab, UT. Sounds of crickets filled the air. A strong breeze whipped blades of grass against my bare legs.
Despite the peace, I was fuming because a colleague snubbed me and I was replaying the conversation over and over in my head. The man was rude and insufferable. I am sure he doesn’t want to talk with me because I am young or a woman, or probably both. He was a pompous jerk. These were all the thoughts rolling around my head, stirring up trouble.
While I fumed, I wandered and wandered. After a bit, I decided the swing set looked lonely, and I sat down overlooking the wetlands. Swinging reminded me of what it was like to be a kid, and I realized I was spending my time and energy on the wrong thing.
As a kid on a swing set, I only cared about the wind blowing my hair off my face in one direction, then wrapping it around my eyes in the other. I let go of the bad things and was in the moment. My cares melted away until I only felt the bliss.
Aging robs us of the ability to be present, unless we practice holding on. Instead, I was focusing on the perceived snub I received that day, perpetuating the feeling of disgust I had when it happened. And it was stealing the beauty of where I actually was.
I let it go. The man in question was going to have his own perspective on the whole situation, and maybe, in his mind, he didn’t snub me. Either way, I couldn’t change what had been, only how I think about it.
Shifting my focus to what I did and didn’t have control over was a critical distinction at the moment. I often wish life was more fun or I could experience the moment more fully. Unfortunately, life is instead stressful and overwhelming and frustrating. Feeling joy is fleeting and surprising. But it doesn’t have to be.
While the swing carried me into the eyes of my former self, I woke up. I realized that I had allowed pessimism to become my bedfellow, and I didn’t want him there anymore. My goal is always to embrace the best outlook, give people the benefit of the doubt, and hold on to the moment. Clearly, I had gotten out of practice. This moment was my wake up call and I responded.
Because I adjusted my glasses to refocus on the positives, the next day, I could see this man as he interacted with others without judgment. When I observed him with fresh eyes, I saw that his demeanor was aloof and disengaged with others and the snub I had perceived was my own mistaken view of the situation. With the complete picture visible, I could see that there was no intent to snub me at all. He was still an unpleasant man, but he was not deliberately rude to me. It put a whole new flavor in my mouth.
That swing changed me. It shook me. And even a week and a half later, I can feel the reverberations. I’ve been kinder to others, kinder to myself, less stressed and overwhelmed, and I’ve found joy many times. I looked for the good rather than the bad and alas; I found it because it was never lost. It was there all along, but I had chosen to ignore it.
The next first step for us all is to admit that we can choose what we focus on. What we choose to focus on is what fills our time, our energy, our minds and our hearts. If we choose to see the bad, then that is what we will see. Likewise, when we choose to see the good, it is there waiting to be seen and felt and held.
