It is three o’clock in the afternoon. You’ve been working on a project most of the day and your energy is waning. You take a break and check your emails only to find a message from a co-worker asking you to refill out a form you sent over that morning. The email outlines areas that were missing information and requesting that you please redo the form.
Your hackles go up. Why can’t they correct it for you? You know they have the missing information. It wouldn’t take them long and now the process will be delayed because they are waiting on the return email from you.
In the workplace, it is common to encounter incidents like the one above where we make a minor mistake and feel put out when asked to fix it. With many companies focusing on the experience of the customer, you might be thinking, “Hey, I’m a customer here. This person is giving me a bad experience!”
From this line of thinking, we usually feel resentful or frustrated and our reaction is going to be tinged with that resentment and frustration. We might decide to hold on a reply as a “punishment” of sorts. We might respond with an email correcting the form, but including a snarky comment. Or perhaps we do as we are asked, but we label the other person as difficult thereby coloring all future interactions.
In all these cases, the impacts of those actions affect us more than they do the other person. Waiting to return the form might delay a personnel action you’ve been waiting for and need to have happen. The snarky email creates ill-will between you and the other employee making future interactions more difficult. Even labeling someone as a challenge generates future negative interactions because you expect it will be negative.
Our experience with our colleagues is directly proportional to the way we think about them. When we think negative thoughts, the interactions become negative. Practicing empathy will help overcome the natural tendency to think the worst. And with empathy, we can generate more effective and positive outcomes.
“Wait!”, you say, “It was them who started the negative interaction. They should have just fixed the form!”
While it may be true that it would have been faster for all if they just fixed the form, it was your thoughts about the interaction that turned it negative. To practice empathy means you must put yourself in their shoes.
Imagine that you are the other person. Your job is to process requests and forms for hundreds of employees. Because you are in a service role, you likely want to help your customers. But each time a mistake is made and you have to fix it, it becomes one more task that you are inheriting that belongs to someone else.
By stepping into the perspective of the other person, we can see the most likely intention behind their actions. Without taking that step, the mind jumps to the conclusion that they are being difficult or unwilling to provide help. But with that step, we see what our intention would be if we took that action and it helps to reframe the picture.
Circling back to the example above, when I put myself in the shoes of the other person, I begin to see that it is unreasonable to expect someone else to take on my responsibilities no matter how much faster it might be.
The next first step when you find yourself in a frustrating situation is to examine your thoughts. What are you thinking about the other person? Then, using your imagination, step into their perspective and ask yourself how you would be thinking and feeling if you were them. When you can teach yourself to explore both perspectives, you will find it easier to react in a way that serves you.
And if they happen to take the time to fix your mistake for you, be sure to let them know you are grateful.
