Living with and managing depression is daunting. Solutions are tricky and unique. Implementing solutions require personal motivation. Solutions don’t always work. Sometimes they work once but not twice. Sometimes they work for a while then suddenly stop working.
Loving someone who fights mental illness is as herculean a task as suffering yourself. Unsure how to help, overwhelmed by the radiant sorrow that is inescapable, drug down with the ship, family often wonders, “What can I do? How can I help?”.
During the dormant stage of depression, I need space and time for continued self-care (running, meditation, writing, etc.) The active stage however requires more mindful support and is far harder to navigate. I believe it is safe to say that this is common for a lot of people and not unique to me.
Even if you notice that your loved one is suffering before them, it is important to be patient and understanding. After managing depression for years, I thought I knew when it got bad. And yet, I did not notice when it snuck up on me 18 months ago. I knew something was wrong but couldn’t figure what because I believed that I had my depression under control.
It is a scary feeling. It is not uncommon to be in denial – either because they thought it was beat or because they have never had it before. Here are some strategies to help support your loved one one their journey to recovery:
- RECOGNIZE this is their journey and you can only support, not change, anything. Eager to help, loved ones can turn care into control very easily. Be aware of this and stay away.
- LIMIT choices. Simplify clothing choices, eating choices, movies or books, hobbies, etc. Where possible and acceptable, make decisions on behalf of your loved one. Limiting choices focuses energy on healing.
- SOCIALIZE in moderation. Depression and loneliness go hand in hand and only meaningful connection can lift that shroud. Yet, taking the steps to interact is so hard. Arrange a game night with a small group of friends, go paddle-boarding with a close friends. anything to create non-threatening human connection.
- ESTABLISH a routine. Similar to limiting choices, if there is a routine activity or action that must happen every day, it gives a sense of purpose, even if it is a small purpose.
- SEND your love in notes or other small gestures. A quick text that says, “I just wanted you to know someone is thinking of you” or leaving a handwritten note in their mailbox or on their pillow reminds them that they are not alone.
Asking for help is incredibly difficult. I feel like a total burden to everyone who cares about me. When a loved ones go out of their way to let me know they care or that they are thinking of me, I feel loved in a way that words will never do. And just because a person may be doing better, don’t stop. Keeping them out of depression is easier than helping them once they are in the deep despairing depths of depression.
The Journey Continues…….
