What is my Why? Why am I taking the time to write about my experiences and the things I have learned? This is an important question to ask myself and I want to share my answer with you.
I began my struggles with depression when I was in elementary school. It grew and got a point where it was dangerous when I was in middle school. I was cutting myself and fanaticizing about death. I would create these elaborate schemes in my head of how to escape the life I had. I knew in my heart of hearts that no one would miss me. I hated who I was and the depression that consumed me. I hated everything in my life and longed for release from it all.
My mission is to share how running saved me and how getting dirty on the trails continues to make me the best version of myself.
I have come a long way since I was that girl. I am passionate about life and want to accomplish everything that I can before I leave this world. I am a fighter and a warrior and a believer in all that is good and wonderful. Once I would have loved to erase my past, but I am who I am because I chose to stop fighting that past. I embraced it.
Running is the key that opened the door to a new world. It is this new world that taught me I had worth, that I was not disposable, and that I deserved life. Rather than fighting what I thought made me fragile and delicate and disposable, I learned to embrace. I gathered up all that was delicate within me and used it to fortify and strengthen me. I would not have had the tools to do that if I had not fought through years of suffocating depression.
I believe that the sweat and dirt on my skin from running and being with nature washed away the burdens I carried for so long.
My “Why” is to speak my truth…to stand strong and tell the world that I will not abdicate my right and desire for a fierce and beautiful existence. All that broke me as a child and young woman was necessary for me to grow back stronger than ever before. Through speaking my truth I hope to help others see that they too have the power to stand strong….but never will they have to stand alone.